One of the greatest things the gift of Autism has given us is an excuse to celebrate EVERYTHING! We are constantly praising and rewarding good choices to encourage Miles to repeat that behavior. We do this to keep his brain calm so learning can continue. The cool thing is the things we learn to help our child with Autism are things are are true and beneficial to all children.
All of our interaction with Miles are intentional because we are doing everything we can to NOT trigger the survival part of his brain. You see, there is a part of the brain in the Limbic area called the Amygdala and it is constantly taking in data (words, facial expressions, tone of voice, environment, etc.) to measure threat or danger. If something appears to be a threat, it signals the brain stem to activate the flight/fight/freeze response which, in turn, activates the adrenal glands to release adrenaline. That system was brilliantly designed by our Creator and is essential in assessing threats and staying safe. But, if a person has experienced trauma, that system can work a little TOO good and it can trigger a response that doesn't SEEM to match the situation. But if it triggers them it is REAL to them.
The challenge is that when that part of the brain is triggered and the adrenaline floods through the blood stream, the prefrontal cortex can't do it's job, which is to focus on executive functions like logic, reasoning, self control, decision making, impulse control, adjusting behavior, etc. So, when Miles is triggered, it takes 45 minutes for his brain and body to calm down and his prefrontal cortex to reengage. Which means, no amount of talking, reasoning, or discipline will help and no learning can happen. But, that is not just true with Miles, it's true for all humans.
Learning what triggers Miles is essential to his learning and success because at the end of the day, it's not Miles' job to not get triggered, it's our job to learn Miles so we can protect his brain and body from the affects of being triggered. Which means, we have had to learn to be mindful of our tone of voice, our facial expressions, our use of words, and the way we react and respond.
One way we practice positive reinforcement is with a little clipboard, some velcro, and a few bottle caps. We have used this for everything from learning to stick together in public, sitting at the dinner table, picking up toys, putting something in the trash or sink, playing quietly with toys, using words, etc. The options are literally endless. One thing that helps Miles is when we tell him what we want him to do instead of what not to do. For example, instead of 'don't stand on the couch' we say 'sit on your bottom.' I use this to highlight the behaviors that he does that I want to reinforce. If I walk in the living room and Miles is sitting on the couch (instead of jumping or standing), I will say 'good sitting on the couch on your bottom!' and then move a cap from the back to the front. If that is a behavior that we are intentionally working on, I will stay close and say the same thing every couple of minutes until all ten caps are moved and then give him whatever the prize he was working for then we would start over. The more we work on a certain behavior and the more he gets it, we extend the time in between being awarded a bottle cap and eventually we just move to celebrating the good behavior when we see it.
It is so amazing what a constant flow of positive reinforcement does to a child. You are not only gifting them with the opportunity to feel proud of themselves for little things and big things all day long, but you are also rewiring their brains and making the connections and pathways stronger, which makes it easier for them to repeat the positive behavior. And when you pair that with trying to keep their brain calm, learning happens at much faster pace.
The great thing is you don't have to be a neurologist to be a good parent. Your child was "fearfully and wonderfully made" by a loving God who "knows the plans HE has for them." Our job is to partner with HIM to know how to train up our children. Children are a temporary assignment, they are arrows to be sharpened and launched out into the world to live out their unique purpose.
