They fill my mailbox
this time of the year.
Brides have spent months making their Pinterest wedding board come to life.
Couples plan, save, and
work with a fast approaching date in mind… the wedding day.
The day arrives.
The day they have been
working toward and dreaming of is finally here.
The day they will stand
before friends and family and make a commitment, a covenant, a promise...
"...to have and to
hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in
sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'till death do us part. And heretofore I pledge you my
faithfulness."
The vows.
The rings.
The kiss.
A forever covenant is
made.
A new family is created.
The day they spent the last several months thinking of, planning for, dreaming about, is over. Now what?
"Here is the stuff of which fairy tales are made, the
prince and princess on their wedding day.
But fairy tales usually end at this point with a simple phrase, 'They
lived happily ever after.' This may be
because fairy tales regard marriage as an anticlimax after the romance of
courtship. This is not the Christian
view. Our faith sees the wedding day not
as a place of arrival but the place where the adventure begins."
-Archbishop of Canterbury, Robert Runcie,
at the wedding of
Prince Charles and Lady Diana
The day after your
wedding day is the beginning.
The beginning of a
marriage.
The beginning of an
adventure.
The vows are easy to say
on the happiest day of your life when you are looking into the eyes of the
person you are madly in love with. But
those vows are really, really tough to live when your marriage is
struggling. When you have to choose love
because you don't even feel it.
The day you make your
commitment is one day. It comes and it goes.
But, you will spend the
rest of your life living out that commitment.
Before embarking on your
great marriage adventure, it is wise to do some planning.
For your health and safety, you both need to
evaluate what kind of shape you are in.
The marriage adventure is a long, hard journey with unpredictable bumps
in the road, so we highly encourage you to make sure you are mentally,
emotionally, spiritually and even physically ready for the journey. Find a good Christian counselor to do your
pre-marital counseling and keep going even after you say your “I do’s.”
When Keith and I meet with a couple before they get married, we talk very little
about the wedding and talk a whole lot
about the marriage. The adventure. I guess you could say we agree to be their official tour guides. A tour guide is just someone who shows the
way by leading or advising and is willing to provide assistance and information
to others.
"Wait! Can't I just throw some stuff in a backpack
and head out?" Absolutely.
But keep in mind, you
will have to make a lot of detours.
There are a lot of closed roads on the unprepared journey. Roads that you are not ready for, but you
will still have to take. You see, the
detours don't allow you to go around the roads that are under construction, but
instead, they force you to circle around and make the necessary repairs to
continue on your adventure.
If you would allow us,
Keith and I would like to act as your tour guides for the next couple of
weeks. We have been living our adventure
for almost 18 years, which means we have had a lot of years to make wrong turns
and take unnecessary detours. We have a
lot of bumps, bruises, and even permanent scars from some of the mountains
we’ve climbed and the best way we have found to redeem those tough days is to
help others as they encounter the same rocky paths.
On this quick little tour, we want to point out the importance of...
…READING THE MAP. Both of you need to study the
map everyday. The more you study,
meditate on, and memorize the map, the closer you will be to the One who
planned your itinerary and knows every mountain and valley along the way.
…BEING ON GUARD. When you made a 'till death do
us part' covenant to each other and to God, a target was placed on your
backs. You have an enemy that wants to
'steal, kill, and destroy' you both.
But, don't be afraid. He is
powerless against you. The only power he
has is the power you give him. Don't
give him any ammunition. Don't open any
doors or windows. Protect yourself and
your spouse. If you find yourself stuck
in one of his traps, grab your map and spend time with the One.
…BIG PICTURE THINKING. Talk often about the
destination. It will help give
perspective on those dark, foggy days when you are having trouble staying
between the lines. There is purpose in
the adventure. Your marriage is a small, but important, part of a big story that is being written.
…WORKING AS A TEAM. This adventure is a 2-person
team. You win together and lose
together. When one gets injured, the
other needs to stop and help the other back on their feet… even if
especially when you were the one who caused the injury. Each of you brings different gifts and
talents to the team that the other needs.
Be quick to give redo's to your spouse because the journey can affect
us differently on different days. Be
their person!
…OTHERS. No two adventures are exactly alike, but they all have similarities. All have mountains, hills, and
valleys, but the path to them and the path through them isn't the same. You may
need some outside help or back up if a serious injury occurs or if you
encounter something on your adventure that has you stuck. Don't be afraid to ask for help! Everyone on the marriage adventure has encountered
serious injuries and has bumps, bruises and scars to prove it. Some couples do everything they can to hide
their injuries, to act like their journey has been carefree, but if they are
willing to be honest, they would tell you they often feel alone. Be careful not to compare your journey to
someone else's. It will not only cause hurt and disappointment, but it will blind you from the
beauty of your own adventure.
