Monday, March 30, 2015

POTTY TRAINING: SAFETY HELMET REQUIRED

Potty training.
It's the worst.

We have spent the last several months getting Miles used to the bathroom, the idea of sitting on the potty, and observing his potty habits.  In the world of Autism, they call this desensitization and collecting data.  

Knowing it will take several months to master this new skill, we decided to start now in hopes that Miles will be fully trained before starting Kindergarten in the fall. *fingers crossed*

Potty training a child with Autism, zero self-care skills, and delayed receptive/expressive language skills is hard.  And hilarious!

Here are things I never thought I'd have to say to another human being...

"Don't put your head in the toilet."
"Oh dear, you gave yourself a swirly. Let mommy dry off your hair."
"Squeezing your penis like that won't make the pee come out."
"Hey buddy, sit up and don't lick the toilet."
"Please stand still. You just hit mommy in the face with your penis."

All actual phrases... said by me... this week... more than once.

After a week of potty training, Miles will pee pee in the potty when we take him, but will not initiate going on his own.  We knew that would be our biggest hurdle and may not be something he's capable of at this time.

But then again, maybe he's starting to come around.

Keith and I attended a class on Potty Training Children with Autism a couple of nights ago.  After class, we grabbed some dinner and went home to put Miles to bed.  I took Miles to the bathroom while Keith got his sleep medicine ready.  We decided to let him play a little bit before we put his pajamas on because, well, we ate Mexican food for dinner and we both had to... go.

After finishing up in the bathroom and changing into my pajamas, I went to find Miles to finish getting him ready for bed.  Keith, still occupying the front bathroom, yelled my name as I walked down the hall.  Stopping to see what he wanted, Keith tells me something I can only pray I never, ever have to say...

"Miles just walked into the bathroom, yelled 'POOP,' and threw a turd at me."
"The poop ball hit me in the chest, I trapped it with my arm and flushed it."
Then, in case I missed it the first time, he repeats, "HE HIT ME WITH A TURD!"

I laughed.  And laughed.  And laughed until I cried.

The irony.
Getting poop thrown at you while you are going poop.

It still makes me laugh every time I think about it.

That is not exactly the initiating we were looking for, but it does give me a glimmer of hope.  In a weird way, I am thankful that Miles made the connection that poo poo goes in the potty.  It is one gross step in the right direction.

Potty training.
It may be the worst but it has given us some of the best laughs!

And until further notice, if you need to use one of our bathrooms, please wear the provided safety helmet and watch out for flying balls of poop.


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