Saturday, August 8, 2009

I'M NOT GOING TO COUNT

That is what I told Keith when we were put on the waitlist.
"I'm not going to drive myself crazy and count."

But it's impossible.
You can't not count.

When we started the adoption process, the average wait time for a referral was 4-6 months. Now it's longer.

Tomorrow we start our 6th month on the list.

For the first time I think it's hit me that we're getting close.
Real close.

And we are ready.
Just the other day, Alex and I were discussing something that happened with a friend and I said, "well, just like J, you're an only child, and...", when he quickly interrupted me and said, "Mom, I'm not an only child anymore. I have a little brother."

No words.
Just a smile. And maybe a tear.

2 comments :

  1. i can't imagine what it is like having to wait so long, but baby boy harmon will be here before you know it!!! can't wait to meet him!

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  2. It's amazing how there are ups and downs. I think that most days I really handle the wait very well and with grace. Honestly, I am a pretty impatient person but I haven't been impatient about the wait ... not really. I feel proud of myself for that. I also feel that it is part of my growing mother's intuition and that somehow I just know that when it happens it will be right. I have total faith in that so I surrender to it willingly.

    However, sometimes like yesterday I am truly on the verge of tears. I saw the cutest baby girl and she was smiling and cooing at me. This interaction was so lovely but it pulled so hard on my heartstrings. Yesterday, I also felt this strong need to try to pick out a book for her library. I wanted to find the most perfect book and I couldn't find it and I just wanted to cry. I think I was feeling this because I miss her. My heart misses her, my body misses her ... I am connected to her in this intense way even though I have yet to lay eyes on her sweet face.

    But almost being five months on the waiting list is wonderful and knowing that every day we get closer to that moment when we can finally be united and all the rest will melt away. Congrats to your 6+ mos.

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